Friday, July 28, 2006

I am happy but cant find my testicles on Rivonia road!

So this week has been chaotic and needless to say a wonderful success on the business front...

As you may recall I had a nightmare the last couple of months with regards to business and put thee old head down and made it work, ummm well I thought it would help! Well did it? Lets see..... Oh.... cor.....blimey.... yes.... it.... did!

I have started the new business all of three months, had litigation coming outta my nose, uncertainty in the arena of my customers and just a general stormy time! So what changed?

I used the charm my mother gave me and got to working on the customers to come to the "light side" This week has been a revalation and I must say has warmed my heart to the extent that I really value relationships in the business world..... people who I never thought would follow me have called me and just spelt it out... "you have our business 100% of the way, you have turned lead into gold before and you can do it again" Thanks for the words D, your a good man! So to all you guys out there that showed me that I can do it, I tip my hat.

This week folks I have wrapped up every listing with every retailer and network that I could and I am clicking my feet, doing the shake that booty thing, running naked through the house, man I am sooooo FUUUUUUUCKING chuffed... ITS DONE! They are mine and all mine, I shall make there business rocket... I promised and shall do so!

My turnover has just blown the roof off, my staff are all smiles and normality has come to rest in our happy little family!

I am sleeping like a normal human being again and the playstation is out in full force, I will be killing many a Nazi this weekend on the frontlines.... Muddle it just has too be done, the allies are counting on me.... SERGEANT MONSTER TO YA ALL!

So all is too great and I am feeling just ohhhh so goood, to top it off the new and wait for it....... The all new Audi RS4 (it goes from 0 to 100km/h in 4.8seconds, it destroys all m3's and makes the C55 look like a Morris Minor at full tilt) is too be delivered to meeee in 6 weeks, there you have it, I will be zooming across the national roadways using the light flashing technic in the fast lane to make the slow uns get to the boring left lane.... slow flash( move please)..... twin flash( I am moving fast so pretty please)..... multiple flashes in quick succession (move your moldy, rusty, dented ass outta my way) Now if I was in the miserable CPT I would probabaly run my battery flat flashing the slow town out of the way. Now the car has so much power that when I tested it... hold on lets dedicate a paragraph to this:

Now where were we, yes of course.... so walk up to the car and the manager who is just a gem, strolls over opens his left hand and says " you will be needing these" two round and rather large iron boxers went a liddle brown! I get in the test car at Audi and start the engine... FUCK ME... no no no please FUCK ME GENTLY, it rasped like a wild beast.... crikey my heart was pounding! We then take a gentle drive to the main road and the guy says stop and, go on open it up...... slammed my foot down and I mean SLAMMED my foot down.... it took a hefty breath, sucked in its balls and just said WAAAAAAAAAAAH, there i was, we took off in a flash, my testicles were still where we had stopped, my teeth were on the backseat and of course I was already doing 120Ks, he then says "Its got power but this animal can stop, so hit the brakes" I did... the RS4 came to a splitting stop and it was like a heaven..... every part of the car just stopped...... the only thing that was still moving at 120ks an hour was my stomach contents and my spine that was wriggling on the dashboard! It is just the abosolute bollocks!!

On that point I was in CPT to see a couple of the customers and landed on Sunday night to the most aweful weather!

I mean the weather is just sooo fucking lazy... it has no purpose... it just lazily twoddles off to that side unloads an excuse of water on only one side of the road and then trundles over to the next side! Unlike JHB weather, which has all the purpose of a hit man!

Got back to JHB on Wednesday and drove to Rivonia road to look for my testicles!

That said and done I am off to have a relax and its good to catch up!


Blogger Katt said...

Oi! I hope you find your goons. Enjoy the car and don't do anything... male. :-)

29 July, 2006 11:01  
Blogger Katt said...

PS: Congrats on the successes.

29 July, 2006 11:02  
Blogger Cookie Monster said...

Hey there Katt. thanks.... still cant find my goons (havent heard that description for a lonf time, ha ha)

I will probably drive it like a crazed male.... then again i have some lady friends that will show most men how to handle the wheel..... such a turn on when a woman handles a car like a pro!!!

30 July, 2006 20:56  
Blogger Shortypam said...

hey der, congratulations on ur success, but then again with ur tenacity... it was expected... hope u find ur veg!!!

31 July, 2006 09:19  
Blogger muddlepuddle said...


New car huh?


What happens to the old one?
I'd like to handle that like a pro!!!

31 July, 2006 10:42  
Blogger Revolving Credit said...

He gave you 2 iron balls...ha, thats a nice touch. Sounds like you should get yourself some rubber underwear to go with the car!

Glad to hear biz is working out. So what have the farts at the old company who tried to sue you had to say?? Have they come begging yet?? Fuckers..HA!

31 July, 2006 11:27  
Blogger Cookie Monster said...

SP: thanks, now the veg I think has ended up at the bottom of the road......

Muddle, Oh Muddle...... a woman that handles a car is just oh such a turn on, she has to do the handbrake turns with the reverse into first and spin around technic. The old car is going in as a trade..... do you wanna buy? How is the back?

RC: All good bud, they closed down, now Im offering to buy some of there stock and infrastructure, the revenge is just so neat! The car should come standard with rubber pants come to think of it!

31 July, 2006 14:27  
Blogger TwoFlower said...

yay for you - congratulations on getting everything sorted out in your business!!!!!!!! you deserved it!!!

as for your new little toy - enjoy! men and cars are two things i will NEVER understand! ha ha!

31 July, 2006 19:19  
Blogger Cookie Monster said...

TF... thanks for the wishes. Cars and men are easy to the sheer power and soul that a car has makes men think WOW!! How on earth did they get such handling and power in the car..... the sheer power and noise when driving such monsters such as the RS4 gives the man control of something that can quit easily lose control!

01 August, 2006 11:27  
Blogger angel said...

man- that was SUCH a cool post- i got all excited for you! and your description of an audi test drive made me wanna grow my own testicles so i can test drive an rs4 and leave mine in the road too!!

01 August, 2006 22:37  
Blogger Dawn said...

Success is the best form of revenge - for sure. Driving by in that car couldn't extend a bolder 'fuck you all' if you tried. Go for it.

02 August, 2006 21:24  

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